Ext. Cross Roads of Yellow Brick Road -- Dorothy and Toto come forward along
the road from b.g. - CAMERA BOOMS down to left as she pauses
in the center of the cross roads -- looks about, speaks --
DOROTHY
Follow the Yellow Brick Road? Follow the
Yellow....?
Dorothy, puzzled as she looks about o.s. --
DOROTHY
Now which way do we go?
Dorothy standing in the center of cross roads -- a Scarecrow on a
pole in the cornfield at right -- he speaks, points to right -- Dorothy
whirls about and looks at him --
SCARECROW
That way is a very nice way.
Scarecrow, his arm pointing to right --
Dorothy, a bit frightened as she looks about o.s. - she speaks,
looks down at Toto as he barks o.s. --
DOROTHY
Who said that?
Toto barking at the Scarecrow o.s. --
Dorothy looks down and speaks to Toto o.s. --
DOROTHY
Don't be silly, Toto. Scarecrows don't talk.
SCARECROW
It's pleasant down that way, too.
Dorothy reacts, watches the Scarecrow o.s. -- speaks to Toto --
looks up as the Scarecrow speaks o.s.
DOROTHY
That's funny. Wasn't he pointing the other
way?
SCARECROW o.s.
Of course, people do....
Scarecrow in field -- shooting past Dorothy in f.g. -- the
Scarecrow crosses his arms and points in both directions --
SCARECROW
...go both ways!
Dorothy reacts, speaks as she starts forward --
DOROTHY
Why....
Dorothy steps forward to the cornfield as she speaks to the
Scarecrow -- CAMERA TRUCKS forward --
DOROTHY
...you did say something, didn't you?
The Scarecrow shakes his head, then nods --
Dorothy looking at the Scarecrow as he nods his head -- she speaks
to him --
DOROTHY
Are you doing that on purpose, or can't you
make up your mind?
The Scarecrow explains -- shows his straw head --
SCARECROW
That's the trouble. I can't make up my
mind. I haven't got a brain -- only straw.
Dorothy questions the Scarecrow o.s. in f.g. --
DOROTHY
How can you talk if you haven't got a....
Scarecrow speaks to Dorothy o.s.in f.g. --
DOROTHY o.s.
...brain?
SCARECROW
I don't know. But some people without
brains do an awful lot of talking, don't
they?
Dorothy nods, speaks --
DOROTHY
Yes, I guess you're right.
SCARECROW
Take my friend Geoffrey, here. He doesn't
have a brain and he talks all the time. He
even writes books.
Pan to Simmons, hanging in the field next to the SCARECROW.
SIMMONS
Howdy-do, little miss. I created him, don'tcha
know.
Dorothy, perplexed --
DOROTHY
You made the Scarecrow?
SIMMONS
Oh heavens, no! He's not a scarecrow. He's a
tree. Well, actually, he's a strawman. But
really, he's a tree.
DOROTHY
Oh my, I'm afraid I don't understand. He doesn't
look like a tree...
Simmons, frowning
SIMMONS
Your problem is that you're using your brain.
You'll never understand me if you keep that up!
Didn't you read the sign?
DOROTHY
Sign?
Camera pans to sign, which reads: NO BRAINZ ALOWED. THIS MEENS U.
DOROTHY
If you please, sir. I didn't notice the sign. But
even if I did, I can't just stop thinking.
SIMMONS
Ah, but you can stop thinking rationally. Take, for
example, the evolution of the tree.
Simmons points to the scarecrow. The scarecrow smiles and nods at Simmons,
then turns to Dorothy and mouths "SAVE ME".
SIMMONS
How would you say the tree evolved to be so tall?
Dorothy thinks for a moment, then
DOROTHY
Well, I suppose that it must have started with the
unicellular organisms present in the sea. Once they
made their way onto land, they started to compete for
resources. Initially, this would have led them to
spread across the landscape, but eventually the
struggle for sunlight imposed a distinct selection
pressure, with improved environmental fitness for
those that attained some measure of vertical height.
Oh, at first it would have been in small increments,
perhaps a cellular layer here, a cellular layer there.
But overall, local patches would exhibit some height
gain. Further adaptations over the millennia would
result in the development of long-chain polysaccharides
(i.e. cellulose), leading to ever complex support
structures that would further gains in height.
Similarly, improvements would have been gained by
the evolution of root structures to take up nutrients
from the soil as well as provide an anchoring mechanism
in the face of varying physical forces. And then...
Simmons, in a thundering voice
SIMMONS
ENOUGH! That is not AT ALL what I'm talking about!
The scarecrow clasps his hands in supplication, pleading to Dorothy.
SIMMONS
What you don't seem to understand is that, true, there
once may have been a landscape covered in these small
organisms, perhaps something like moss. I'll even allow
that there may have even been prehistoric flat plants.
But where did the tree come from, hmmm? Did one of these
flat plants all of a sudden decide that it wanted to be
a Redwood, hmmm? Did it say to itself "OK, I think I'll
create a huge root structure, develop some protective bark
and sap, make some piny bristles to give off moisture so I
can have an osmotic pressure gradient that will wick more
moisture some 400 feet into the air, and while I'm doing
that I might as well develop both male and female
characteristics so I can give off pollen AND drop seeds...
Red in the face, Simmons begins to sweat under the sun. The scarecrow holds
up a sign "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
SIMMONS
Well, little girl? Did a flat plant decide to do all that
on its own? Huh?! And before you say anything, you better
be prepared to show me which plant decided to do it,
because I want to know.
Dorothy looks on, mouth agape...a stunned expression on her face.
SIMMONS
I didn't think so. Your problem is that you think too much
when all your questions can be answered quite easily. There's
no need to go through all that effort of collecting data,
analyzing data, developing and confirming hypotheses. It's all
rubbish! There's only one answer you need...
Dorothy releases the scarecrow, tears streaming down his face in
gratitude.
SCARECROW
C'mon, let's get outta here! I don't have a brain
and even I can tell this guy's a loon.
SIMMONS
Only one answer: WOW.
Dorothy, the scarecrow, and Toto slowly put some distance between them and
Simmons, heading down the yellow brick road for their next big adventure.
Simmons continues to shout at them, even as a woodpecker lands on his forehead.
SIMMONS (o.s, fading)
See something neat in nature? WOW! Whales have blowholes? WOW!
Chickens lay eggs? WOWIE-WOW-WOW!
The woodpecker begins to peck.
FADE OUT
References:
Billions of Missing Links: Upright Plants
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